It has been a subject of public debate since its introduction. Surely, some say, the cause of an apparent decline in the complexity and ingenuity of modern music, the space–time continuum bend is now being threatened with legal action from listeners worldwide. In this article, we look at the past, present, and future of this

It has been a subject of public debate since its introduction. Surely, some say, the cause of an apparent decline in the complexity and ingenuity of modern music, the space–time continuum bend is now being threatened with legal action from listeners worldwide. In this article, we look at the past, present, and future of this

said on Tuesday night, “It’s really messing with not only the band’s ability to play live, but the perception of time and space themselves. Like, every day I wake up, and I don’t know if it’s yesterday again, where I am, what I’m doing … fuck, am I meant to be playing the solo now? OH GOD HANG ON BRB—”

much misunderstood musical means of

But surely the real issue is not that music is becoming lower quality directly through use of the STCB, but that, through its use, musicians find themselves thoroughly bewildered by the inconsistencies and distortions that its use brings about in their lives. After all, space–time continuum bends don’t make music worse, people make music worse. The fact that musicians are falling into depressive states after their lives are ruined so they just don’t feel the motivation to play ukulele now that their grandma has been killed before she was born is nothing but sheer irresponsibility on the musician’s part.

There is our answer, then: music is not getting worse, not getting lazier, as a result of the STCB; instead musicians are simply not using their tools responsibly. Hell, I’m a musician, and I am using the STCB feature on my guitar right now, just to prove how easy it is not to fuck things up. You just have to be responsi

said on Tuesday night, “It’s really messing with not only the band’s ability to play live, but the perception of time and space themselves. Like, every day I wake up, and I don’t know if it’s yesterday again, where I am, what I’m doing … fuck, am I meant to be playing the solo now? OH GOD HANG ON BRB—”

ble.

have threatened legal action, saying this harms the economy, the environment, and their delicate sensibilities, the little shits. But what do they know? They’re not musicians, they’re just scientists. Fuck ’em, I say—fuck ’em.

much misunderstood musical means of

Edit 2020-13-56: We realise this article failed to mention the pickle situation and regret the fault. Pickle pickle. Pick that pickle. Ick that icicle, pick. Nick that nickel.

if ever you find yourself in a pickle such as this, it is wise to start gherkin’ off to establish dominance over the space–time continuum. show that sucka ur lil fucka; give time the slime; give the dimension no abstention

Standing by the pickle barrel with Mr Drucker; fishing for the jewelry we fucking put in there. They're fucking arresting my husband Oliver. Mr Kimball is over there oblivious, just fucking counting the beans again. Fucking A bro. The pickles aren't even real bro. THE FUCKING PICKLES AREN'T EVEN REAL.

I'm just beefed out you know what I mean man? It's like, when time starts stopping, exist stops existing. It's just a game we're not real things man, jus like them pickles.

Scared you are not a good person yet? Fear not, this post will englighetn you as to th e correct terms of being. First and foremost, posture.

When being a person it is recommended to keep your back at a good 30 degree angle at all times. This is because angle = angel, and u wanna be good dontcha

Now if there’s anything that The Wizard of Oz has taught us it’s that in order to be a good tinman it has to get darker before it gets lighter. So commit mass genociyde in order to revert to your worst and most primal insticsts to kill stuff and then you can ascend to a new holy level of being supreme and cool to people

Now leading on from that analogy if you find yourslelf feeling lost and like you’re far away from home like a kansas-dwellin dood corsssed with a scaredy-cat, remember that you can tap your shoes together you fuckin g xoward ad everything will go bak to normal, thats right, all those genocided people are now ungenocided and u fixed it but now you can’t be the best you you can be now can you.

ffs you were so close but you woke up just as the dream was gettin good

egg of yolk the olk of yegg,
oaky yoaky shelly peg;
peg unclipp and shell is fall,
what lies in the eggshell wall?

eggwell shawl and fall and foil,
saucepan broth and froth and boil;
yolk and white and wholk is folk,
in goes egg; with spoon it poke;

spin and froth and boil with flame,
out of chicken with no name;
cook and white yolk egg and simmer;
onto plate where it do glimmer.

now it eat, with mouth; not leg.
now it tanste. it tanste of egg

Fallen like straw with a pig in a millow,
Songs in my heart like a flute in a pillow.
Comforted frost in your evergreen wind,
Got all the past that you’ll never rescind.
Tempter rebounded, don’t scatter my ashes
By temples confounded and matter by lashes;
The whip of the cream and the quantum-flux ardour
Beheld ’neath a team of the mightiest larder.

Gibbons have trumpets like ferrets in berets;
Rhinos have horns which they thrust on the frehways—
And yet I still see your face: it is floating;
Much like the clows and the shleep, it is gloating.
What all the hell and the gall and the ball?
Flimsy old-face-man, you drive up the wall?
I’ll set fire to pharaohs, and enter their houses;
And boshity-bishity blink at their mouses.

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