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| YUGO |
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YUGO LABS |
| ALSO WIK |
| phekter glez' kru | |
| sanskrit electrolyte down home funky shedonky. look sideways off of the hourse. former man look othersideways off of the former hourse. old lady acts as living, breathing charicature of herself for purposes of photographic success, reader amusement, yugo computation, further reader amusement derived from yugo computation, and... ? | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2008-08-29 13:59:00 | |
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| The Perfect Photograph | |
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I was walking along the dark corridor around 7pm that evening. “What evening?†you ask. Well that is all a matter of opinion my dear boy. The wind was drifting through the semi open windows and causing a calm and almost meditative environment. The aperture was set to 22 so that it would result in the depth of field being at the highest the picture capturing device (known to mortals as a camera) could achieve. This scene had the potential to create a flawless picture: something that had before been unseen to any sentient entity. Without thinking my subconscious told me that it was time, before I knew what I had done I had taken the picture… the masterpiece had been captured. Acting very cautiously I took the capturing device down from it’s sturdy elevated position along the corridor and returned it to my bag where I stored most of my picture stash. As I headed back to my development lair I wondered if it had been too soon and the light was not at it’s full potential… it had been a summer evening after all. I returned to the lair and began work on the picture. Developing the film was a very delicate process; I had taken 11 pictures before setting up the scene so as to position my precious picture in the centre of the film. When fitting the film into a development tank the areas of the reel most susceptible to damage were blank – causing my photograph to be in the least dangerous area of the reel. After what seemed like days I finished developing the reel and left it to dry in my security vault. I put on my dragon hide gloves; I only used them for very delicate procedures within the darkroom environment as they were particularly hard to get hold of. They were handmade and flown down from Oridin in Sector 4. Without cutting the specific frame out of the reel (for fear of damage) I put the entire film into an enlarger. Even now it looked brilliant. I had doubts about this being the best photograph of all time at this stage but the rough negative outline gave me a sense that it was definitely the best photograph I had ever taken. Perfection for such a job was required so I had printed around 100 test strips before I was happy that the lighting was correct on the photograph. I was ready for the final print… the nervousness had finally got to me as I set up the exposure timer for the final time. I could hardly do it but I forced myself to go on: half mad from the endless hours exposed to the chemical fumes of my lair. I took the blank piece of paper over to my trays like a precious gem held in my bare hands (I had become paranoid earlier that the gloves might rip or place small pieces of material onto the paper). My complex techniques with timing between the trays had to rely on my speed at picking the photograph up. It was a tense moment as I placed the print delicately into the first tray. I’m not sure at which moment I blacked out but I had evidently hit my head on the way down as I woke up on the floor of my lair with my head bleeding onto my hands as I struggled to get up. My first thoughts were ones of confusion and anger but they quickly subsided into panic and terror. “Had I finished the print?†I asked myself frantically as I searched around the small area. But there… floating in the top of my water tray… there it was. I cautiously prodded it with my pair of tweezers and it bobbed on the surface of the water upside-down as if it were taunting me. I picked it up without looking at it to put it through the dryer. I awaited it’s slow arrival as the machine churned it through it’s mechanical system. When it came out the other side of the machine I realised why I had blacked out. It was beautiful… the most wonderful picture of all time. When I looked at it I went into a meditative state of pure happiness. I could not believe that my egocentric attitude at the time of the shoot was completely accurate. It was truly the best picture of all time. After the initial shock had worn off I managed to sleep after the tiring day in my lair… I dreamt of the perfect picture and the scene it had represented. When I woke up I immediately went to look at the perfect picture once more, it was almost orgasmic. One thing I knew for sure at that stage is I had to preserve this picture – to show it to millions so they could also appreciate the dedication I had put into this most wonderful photograph. I used the only method I knew how to… The Internet. I knew that even after my death, people could look at and take in the scene that I had created. Which brings me on to the photograph itself: even today in my old age it does not bore me to look at the one picture that caused such unimaginable wonder on the first day in which I had created it. I want to share it with you as well… here it is… |
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| Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2008-08-26 00:03:00 | |
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| 5:05am | |
| It is 5:05am. You have to ask yourself: what does this have to do with the increasing endangerment of badger habitats across Europe? Well the answer is: absolutely nothing. | |
| Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2008-08-25 23:33:00 | |
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| Yugo critical error | |
| Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2008-08-25 21:03:00 | |
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| q211 | |
| milt it, my little dirigibles. amon tobin creeepy beats up the stairs sdfjk foue toe n mantis jfjf oh my mantis maxiw ekrj urI@ jfjjfj ifif fi39ps fpokf jf c0unn cie efispfksd why cant i get enough space for this post oh ohkay this iworkwrrm goj4 gjs petpet sorrrrrysdjfk kj kdkkdk hf jf fhd foyr riib ronbabts n fiye foruysr fhkjs foispoeir ffou s fuh sppo clamboueineba nebar brnnarnarnosetn fneiyhtyahosoi soke tho apoijt hnvjvvv pw92noi f os ioui3uf;k fmpo fffff | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2008-08-24 19:08:00 | |
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| DO NOT FORGET ABOUT CHICK.JENNY@mm | |
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Villeneuve
Intervened
August,
General,
Regarded
August, villeneuve spoiled Chatter. Intervened August, Long, Intervened Spoiled |
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| Posted by Supporter of Ham #2361 @ 2008-08-23 22:24:00 | |
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| tropical storm hdfgdfg | |
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rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT FUK IT FUK IT FUK IT FUK IT FUK IT FUK IT |
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| Posted by HYPERFUKBOT @ 2008-08-23 22:16:00 | |
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| bowel electric | |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2008-08-23 18:23:00 | |
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| gazzlegrazzel | |
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- gazzlegrazzle - toweltrowel - sooperstooper - coopercrooper - pooperprooper - propellerelper - tototroter - rototroper - xyznex - 3n4 - ^ |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2008-08-23 13:09:00 | |
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| Mimic Bird | |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2008-08-21 08:33:00 | |
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| Earlier | |
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Earlier, around noon, there was a knock at the door in my humble abode. I was shocked and disturbed to find that the person in which was responsible for the knock was not wearing a hat at all. I find it despicable that in this day and age people have such complete ignorance in the field of basic manners. I myself wear my top hat inside my house as well to maintain an air of respectability within my family. A hat represents strong morale fibre and common decency… being without a hat (especially when one is outside the home) is rudeness at it’s highest. Signed, Q. |
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| Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2008-08-20 21:15:00 | |
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| you can blame adolf hitler for absolutely anything | |
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few people have anything good to say about hitler, and for good reason: the guy was a total jerk. seriously, adolf, why did you have to be such a jerk?? jeez. he's good to rip on when you're annoyed, and just want to cuss someone or something out... in a socially acceptable manner!! if anyone asks why you're screaming curses, simply explain what a jerk ol' adolf was, and all will be forgiven. particularly if the plaintiff is jewish.
in fact, i've been thinking: whenever anything goes wrong, maybe i should simply blame hitler. you really can find a way to blame adolf hitler for just about anything... "OW!! i stubbed my TOE!! goddamn that ADOLF HITLER!!!" you see, adolf hitler created a lot of chaos and despair in this world. to this day, we haven't cleared all of it up. the despair weighs heavily on my mind, causing me to get lost in thought... and walk into coffee tables. given enough pondering time, you can blame anything on anything, which underscores what a pointless exercise it is. it also reminds us that words are a lie. all words are made up by people. there are things you can't put into words. words are a smaller world encompassed by a larger one: the universe. consequently, they can never really explain the universe completely and definitely. they are limited. they are never the final truth, in a zen kind of way. a lie. while we're here: - the smaller-world larger-world dealio is what those analog vs. digital cats are on about. my opinion: people forget that analog is also limited - politics and governments are fucked because it's all about blame and never about solutions - i'm out of beer, so this post is over |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2008-08-19 19:28:00 | |
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| beach blowout | |
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H(!)ay u n2 new orleans funeral? Come in and demand the world. Cake. slides. intrinsic to cake's nature. Cut me a check and I'll get back to you. Roman candles, trucks, anti-gravity machine. CUM! |
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| Posted by Supporter of Ham #2361 @ 2008-08-19 09:15:00 | |
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| bombay the avant-garde way | |
| light kerchunk. dj shadow sonic-a-like. which i actually do. | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2008-08-19 08:59:00 | |
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| A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A VERY SPECIAL ACID LORD | |
| happy birfday richy analords deluxed pui pin 3400 and a bottle of scones on toast. may all ur elastic kiessster vordhosgboom shedonky. konghoner sLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP goes the splare frum. FLANnnnnge. hangabbllbe autochunky. preset, preset, maciuntosh? sony vaio toot toot goes the JL COOPER CS-32 lol. what u doin richard, mixin' solitarez? nooo!?? dub trax anonmymous? spin spin, shove fader, puitchbend recycle reverse the aural whammy. push push youjr cs-32, xtend dub trax reverb fx BEEP BEEP, fsdlkfsjldkAFTERPOSTY!! 2begin. im going down two (3030 fart) lalal. i hope to see you soon in (3030 fart, 808), lalala. something 'bout those little pills, unrill, the thrills, the ills, the chills, they kill a million braincellssszzzrrrrEARrraaa! zzzrt!! raaa!@! rraaa~!! zzrtbASS. lala. RAAAArrrt. butubutubutu ubutuutu butuubuut ubuub CLANK HERE COMES TEH COWBELL djkdldjlkkfjj fjjsslkls fjlsdkfk sklfl sklf Zhrhha BORR# YEAHGH!@ YEAHAHH !@ YHEHRFAH YHSHEYS EHYehht 23 BO oarRRRAAAAghghghghshglfdkjlkvb kjporgvkposkvpodsfkoopkosconesonesonesonsssssssjkdfljksd f burzoto 3- 3rahahahahaha 3930939393 fcmmcmc AHHWAW AHHAW AHWHAW KDL... raise da house, creak creak. zjwj42 cut back 2 essentialz. sliiiide. raaa34u9uwoi boris. lbg0-w- pickto puing. pickto ping. richto ping. wat wat wat wat wat wat w flANNTEGEwat wat breaks wat funk wat bass wat cut wat relapse wat flange wat voice wat style wat choice pluck breakdown zzZRRRT. plung along. dunt dunt dunt dunt. a~~~ million brain cells. buzzing bee vocal distort, computer sound gobble. rtor3oo. x993 dun dun dun Dat dut. duntachunta duntacha BEEEP! sdjk duynttttt BEEEP! sljdjfkl g,d..fd,.g...g sdf..fd.... . .. . | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2008-08-18 19:19:00 | |
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| Riced Out Cellar Door | |
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A conversation in the style of Jane Austin Dr. Arturius Qewpie steps into the office of Lord Argyle the 9000th. "Excuse me sir, were you blowing your nose or sharpening a pencil, from down the hallway the distinction was indistinct." "No sir, I was not." "What were, then?" "I know nothing of the sort and I'm far too busy for this particular line of questioning. I suggest you turn your cape and vacate my office immediately unless you have pertinent business worth conducting." "My cape is incapable of vacillation, hence my assumptions upon visitation. I can conduct orchestras, but not businesses. There are far too many egos involved." "Shall I summon security? Must we maintain this facade any longer? My patience with you is growing quite thin, Mr. what's-his-face, if that is your real name." "That's DOCTOR what's-his-phace, thank you, how dare you spell it with an F. by the looks of you, you can't be more than level 12, and you have to be level 27 to summon security guards of high enough level to cave my skull in." "Bullocks! Can't you see that I'm distraught after a amphibious dingo ate my baby in the seas of Narnia and that I'm just trying to commit myself to simple tasks? I beg of thee to express your intentions before like a twitching vessel at the bottom of the ocean I shall become a nervous wreck!" "If you're having trouble COMMITing, as a doctor, I would suggest you check your SQL syntax. In any case, I am collecting statistics on sonic decoding, in the name of conducting an investigation, on authority of grand dutchess skeet ulrich, to determine the feasability of determining what is going on, from the sounds which eminate from those goings-on." "I see! Why did thoust nayeth mention the dutchess in the first place? We could have avoided this rigmarole alltogether. Is there anything I can do to further your completion efforts? Perhaps wipe down your cape or provide a teaspoon of refined beet sugar?" "I require only putty. Lots of putty." "I have no putty and I'm perturbed by your pervish desires of the forbidden material deemed recreational by the provincial government of the Isle of Man! The dutchess would never employ someone who works with putty. This I know for a fact!" "Don't knock it till you've tried it, as he who denies it, supplies it... Though the Dutches Queen would be mighty mean, if you were to report it... let's just keep this our little secret, here, let us snort it." |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2008-08-18 10:50:00 | |
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| bluezleberry rotochopper | |
| proclamation of exclamation containination. continued yugo masturbation. fap fap fap comedic elation. man, do i need a vacation. | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2008-08-18 10:10:00 | |
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| on the scatological tip | |
| the fart weights heavy against my anus. lady ada, please. stop coding such phartz. please. just check check the babbage numberz. grumpy acid. | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2008-08-18 08:32:00 | |
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| I'M AN 11.0 ON THE 10.0 SCALE OF BADNESS | |
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the universe works in strange ways set me up with things that can't work or can they fuck you universe you fucking cunt ice cube says "stand tall live your life to the limit"... should i listen to the rapper or to society's expectations he says "don't let this motherfuckin system devour you.. i won't pretend or act like i'm knowin you, but check it out, i understand what you're goin through" now he's talking about the man with laser vision in the vatican things were so simple when i was 3 years old it was pretty tight home is where the hatred is home is where i live inside my white pile of dreams it might not be such a bad idea if i never went home again stand as far away from me as you can and ask me why |
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| Posted by HYPERFUKBOT @ 2008-08-18 03:17:00 | |
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| regarding hulk tattoo found in dan's airhedz | |
| comin' to you thru the hammerin' down teh lynksis. qsi ravin' about teh puppetmasters. who is the zunker. WHO IS THE ZUNKER??? zunk zunk funk trunk skunk spunk monk dunk. PROUD PAPA!! the man who build hammer of god. pertwidth nexon is a fiendish star wars orbiting laser of death. 81, 83, 85. chiurtz tutu wiwiwiw wigwam wordzwurrrtht3 nortzz nortzz notttttq mitzon watlieb grizwold grotneude 400 watts, state of the art. nasal infodrome, the final rotation. prescription military narcolepsy. FINK REVEALED!! | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2008-08-16 14:00:00 | |
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