for my new year's resolution this year i would like to learn how to make rice

edit: whoops, almost forgot, i wanna cook some grapes too if that's ok

We apologise for the fault in the drip-fed apocalypse. Those responsible have been cancelled.

EVERYTHING’S JUST TOO FUCKING FUCKED FOR ME TO GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE

Dear loyal netizens,

2020 has been an unprecedented time. So unprecedented, in fact, that many of us, whether watting from home or on the front lines, feel that this is now the new normal.

In these uncertain times, we at Riced Out Industries™ are certain that this is not the case. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. It might feel like this is just going to go on forever, like there is no end in sight—but we are already more than halfway there. Wo-oah, virus in the air. Take our corporate hand, we’ll make money, we swear.

Of course, we at Riced Out Industries™ are no strangers to isolation. We’ve spent a whole eight years aboard our YUG-2091 Space Colony Ship (we call her Darla), during which we’ve learned the secrets of meaning, both committed and uncommitted suicide, and done countless scientific experiments which will maybe come in useful for something, one day. Many crewmates, including us in PR, have developed a strong desire to murder the entire lineup of Pink Floyd. But we remind ourselves each day that their lead singer George was murdered back down on Earth this year, and this has a pacifying effect, most notably on crew member Gavin Anderson, Head of Security and Arms. At Riced Out Industries™, we pride ourselves on staying in touch with the realities back down on our home planet, and we understand and feel you, man. We may be high up, far away from our old blue marble, but we’re still pretty hip down with da kidz. YOLO, my homies. You Only Launch Once.

We would also like to point out that, while we don’t have COVID-19 on board Darla, we do have our own struggles. After all, it’s not easy living a life of vacuum-borne luxury, whizzing through the starry night, eating more than enough apple pies. Sometimes our internet connection drops below 500Mbps, and that saddens us immensely. Unprecedented levels of Oof, yo.

We value your happiness, loyal netizens; and we hope that 2021 brings to you more precedented times, that you find things more enjoyable, and that you develop improved complacency levels.

Now fuck off, my space buffet’s getting cold

peopel with parkinsons disese are theyre only shaking because they are scared becaise they have parkingson desease.

them are large

Behold, Loyal Netizens,

an architectural marvel of our Modern Times. Constructed by the Large and Reasonably Intelligent Peoples of Pangaea in the Year of Our Cone 6, the Q Headquarters are a demonstration of our might and resilience throughout all of Time.

so yeah, it’s a pretty fucking fancy palace imho, if we do say so ourselves, which we do, because look at its downright majestic stature and impressive typography. That is not something you will get from your average store-bought Headquarters, oh nononono! Nay, this is something else, and it is Pretty Freakin’ Radical™, if we do say so ourselves again, which we once again do, because, well, it is.

If you have any questions, please feel free to fax them to us. We do not actually have any legit answers but we’ll be happy to make some up for you :D

Cheers,

TRIANGUL THE ALMIGHTY
Building Lad and Fax Line Administrator at Riced Out Construction

g’morrow, my children,

indeed it is now time for you to learn the Ways of Conversation, as exemplifieded with the below exctract of a typical and normal discussion with your fellow carbon-basded life-forums:

THATS MM YEPP THATS HOW YOU DO IT. ANY QUESTIONS MAY BE FAXED TO ME, BUT YOU WILL NOT HAVE ANY QUESTIONS BECAUSR THAT’S NOT HOW WE CONVERSE AROUND HERE MY CHILDREN bye

i’m as sane as a an apple,
bluebird solely quart mince pie:
sell the brating of the tapple
in the gauging of the lie—

andered orders, quonchely, farsting;
contemplating endwards swarf
in the blissing of the parsting
of the mating of the norf.

do not know, and do not question
where the bound allies of sonder
mix with tapestries of vestion
in the daily midbreak wander;

ringled matching bend with sterning
to condemned of contemplation,
doing deeds of brute concerning
every single warring nation.

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