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| YUGO |
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YUGO LABS |
| ALSO WIK |
| Lost in Yugers | |
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As I was revving the Yugo to a brisk speed of approximately 25123 knots, I noticed object in my path. This object, while rather easy to plow through physically, was difficult to plow through legally. It happened to be a chap on a bicycle, decked out in one of those flamboyant skin-tight "Tour de France" spandex outfits, with streamlined helmet to boot.
This was an unusual occurrence on this road, as it featured large sidewalks on either side, as well as traffic that did not normally register south of 40 MPH. This chap, however, apparently thought he was training for the Tour de France (even though it had already passed, and, I noticed, his suit was available by mail order from any number of Lance Armstrong Internet fan sites). Normally, I'd just commandeer the ongoing traffic lane, but at that moment, it happened to be occupied by a stream of speeding genlemen such as myself. Though every molecule in my body was resisting (especially due to inertia), I slammed on the breaks, avoiding being the guilty party in a rear-ending by the nearest of margins. This would be enough to cause most people to decide the sidewalk was a better option, but I suppose if he was this far from any turn-off, he'd probably already dealt with a few of these situations. That, and he probably had testosterone patches on BOTH of his testicles. As the ongoing traffic lane was still occupied, I leaned out the window, to make a gentle suggestion. "MOVE IT, LANDIS ARMSTRONG!!" I yelled, and subsequently leaned on the horn. He responded by hunching over, going into "yellow jersey" mode, and pedaling faster... bringing him to a brisk 17 MPH, instead of his previous 12. While I was somewhat mollified by any acknowledgement of my existence, I still found this solution insufficient. So, along we went, for a painfully slow five minutes. Eventually, mercifully, a break in ongoing traffic appeared. By this time, however, speed was no longer my goal, but revenge. So, after securing the lead of the race, I downshifted to first, and proceeded to drive in front of him at a blisting 5 M.P.H., slowing him down. After he started to become impatient, I began suddenly jamming on the breaks every few hundred feet. Though I drove a Yugo and risked a need for bumper replacement, I knew he'd have to pay for it - the rear-ender is always at fault, you know - and I also knew the sound would bring joy to my heart. Don't fuck with Yugoists. Yugo gets the yellow jersey every time. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-08-10 15:31:00 | |
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| typeity type click clack | |
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I will now try to type what someone 20 feet away is typing, purely by the sound of keyboard click and clack alone.
fjsjkekf,zxejfjskje rs;lr;kslekrnngfgfee fjjejn e;kl3jl3nfma;fmafjjfmfJJDFJgmm;SjkdskJThinfklnljke djfdgkkfjsoijemfkafmfsjffioia,a,aa kfsldkfer sdj ffkjf fjos fsjdkfj3q;q fsjdkrfqejjkansklak jfjjala sjhsh fhsjs shfrwr aj fjf jfe The result? 100% accuracy. 100%. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-08-10 12:55:00 | |
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| Riced Out Yugo expresses an opinion on radical centrism | |
I DO NOT STAND FOR ANYTHING, AND I WILL FIGHT TO THE DEATH FOR ITFor indeed, without nothing, where would America be? Being contrary to the concept of nothing, and doing thus, goes against the grain of the very foundation of America itself. Remember what Karl Marx's mother said: "Karl is a nice boy, but he has no concept of how to manage money." |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-08-10 12:46:00 | |
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| capitalistic slam | |
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huskies are issued stock options. grandma is on the market. semolina pilchard is mortgaging the eiffel tower. what lows will today's business industry not stoop to? in an age and day where day can be age and age can be day, age is not day at all. jaws clamp down, touchee bounty huggies nature nuture harm fresh.
malarkey infrastructure clamp brigade; lambda gerbers lamb with green jelly. HURO! HURO! HURO! cried the wafflesmith, simultaneously attemping to rile and placate the swarming mormons. bread rises; civilization falls. do you have your moral cottage in order? groovi toovi rudi guliani: can the F9 key be remapped? screen openers, caps open. BASH BASH BASH. superstructure stricture restructure trifecta, in an effort to lambaste nerd flu. DIgITAL INFLuENZA! DiGITAL INfLUENZA! DIGiTAL INFLENzA! mr. burke plays operatic twanky on the eve of final gorrillae. are the muffins ready yet, mommy? |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-08-10 12:42:00 | |
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| Riced Out Yugo is the shizz, nazz, and kazizzle | |
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wizzy wizzy wat wizzy-wat wizzy-wat wizzy wizzy wat yugo wat hay wat wizzy wizzy wat yugo wat hay wat wat yo wat teh wat dat wat ya wizzy wazzy wat woozle wat wizzle wat wizzy wizzy wat yugoe watte hay wat wizzy wizzy wat yugo teh!!! hay u wat teh watter nutter wat teh fuk u |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-08-09 11:13:00 | |
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| Riced Out Yugo announces pharmaceutical breakthrough | ||||||
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| Posted by fuckle @ 2006-08-08 13:25:00 | ||||||
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| sdfsdlkfg | |
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sdfjklgjjhdfjhdfjh
dfjhHEDSKHFHFHKKKHmhmhmmettertweiyuizhjj
hfdhj sdjgksld g sdjkljcv ksad
sad asnf asfjnkkewkywywe3 543758793945987349 5nnxncbmnbnmnmDJFJGKLDFKJ NXZL FEJOKJJEEWEWRETWTY EWMNBM,NBMBMXZCVDGFGDJHKGTYUTOI FSSDHKS FSDHKSDJF SDJFLKJJJJ2308990*()$*)(%*@( #*%()@,MGMNLKlf
and that's why circles are round. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-08-08 10:37:00 | |
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| Serious salination | |
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wanton potatos farm farmers. edible socks futures skyrocket. irish mime escapes from dorm corridors. music teh arm in teh ur record player. spin spin!!
quadrodynamic analog circuit simulations indicate a positive feedback loop in the malarkey circuit. can you touch your toes with your head? 4 out of 5 rabbis can. waffle irons are fun, that is the message from a local politician hoping to rile people up in a personally beneficial manner. should waffle irons be removed from the market? are our children having too much fun? remember, if your child is having fun, he and/or she might need therapy. We conclude today's segment with a poem by the late Robert Frost. booze booze, the collegiate fruit the more you eat the more you boot |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-08-08 08:39:00 | |
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| UNCLE SAM WANTS YOU... | |
...TO WEAR AN UGLY TIE |
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| Posted by fuckle @ 2006-08-07 22:11:00 | |
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| Riced Out Yugo announces new research initiative | |
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Riced Out Yugo is pleased to announce the release of a vast archive of user data to the scientific community. This information will provide researchers with an unprecedented opportunity to examine how people use the Internet, permitting exciting new developments in the fast-growing fields of telemarketing and unsolicited e-mail advertising. "Riced Out Yugo's commitment to science has always been extraordinarily valuable," said Yvonne Fudgeworth, a professor of marketing at the University of Wat. "This new initiative will help us find effective new ways of targeting advertisements for dubious penis-enlargement products and sick, twisted pornography." The Riced Out Yugo data archive, which will be distributed to scientists and advertising firms as a set of DVDs, contains the names, addresses, Social Security numbers, bank account details, credit ratings, bra size measurements, sexual preferences, and mugshots (if available) of 658,000 Riced Out Yugo users. To prevent any possible breaches of privacy, middle initials have been replaced by unique numeric identifiers. |
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| Posted by fuckle @ 2006-08-07 15:36:00 | |
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| Riced Out Yugo announces new miracle cure | |
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With the recent stellar leaps in technology, exciting new products that previously only existed in science fiction are fast becoming reality. Here at Yugo, we know a lot about technology, we know a lot about science, and we know a lot about fiction. Consumers have trusted Riced Out Yugo to bring them exciting new products for generations, such as the vacuum cleaner, staplers, and tin foil.
Now, Riced Out Yugo is excited to announce an innovative new product: Introducing Riced Out Yugo Digital W.A.T. (tm) (patent pending) Riced Out Yugo Digital W.A.T. solves every problem facing society today, eliminates every daily hassle you face, and occasionally improves the weather, if it's in the mood. Global warming? Pah! Gout? Gone. You name it, Riced Out Yugo Digital W.A.T. has its paws in it. Riced Out Yugo Digital W.A.T. is environmentally friendly, safe for external use, and comes in varying pastels. Riced Out Yugo Digital W.A.T. cuts through rust, kills bacteria, and just so happens to be farm-fresh. Delicious! You owe to the world, your family, and yourself: Get Riced Out Yugo Digital W.A.T. today. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-08-07 10:01:00 | |
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| in the words of Eugene to the B. | |
| I guess SOMEONE didn't read my carefully prepared memo on commonly used passwords. | |
| Posted by Supporter of Ham #2361 @ 2006-08-06 22:26:00 | |
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| 20 minutes | |
| see you then | |
| Posted by Supporter of Ham #2361 @ 2006-08-06 21:54:00 | |
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| STARING | |
| im drowning and dont know if its real to even be able to drown or not ovarian | |
| Posted by Supporter of Ham #2361 @ 2006-08-06 21:48:00 | |
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| love sex secrets und god??? | |
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if you must.
do hax @: www.ricedoutyugo.com/post.php user: murd0c pass: pencil |
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| Posted by Supporter of Ham #2361 @ 2006-08-06 21:44:00 | |
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| Pimp this | |
| "'''""""'''"''"""""''"""""""""""'''''""""'''""""'''""""'''"''"""""''""""""""''''''""""'''""""'' """"'''"''"""""''""""""""'''""'' | |
| Posted by Richard D. James @ 2006-08-06 10:32:00 | |
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| eternal sunshine of the watless mind | |
| fofofofo narnax kerplatz MUNTZ MUNTZ MUNTZ MUNTZ zap zap zap kerfuffle! kerfuffle! kerfuffle!zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz q | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-08-04 23:51:00 | |
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| The news in briefs | |
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"The most closely watched race was in western Kansas, where incumbent conservative Connie Morris lost her GOP primary Tuesday. The former teacher had described evolution as "an age-old fairy tale" and 'a nice bedtime story' unsupported by science."
Riced Out Yugo would like to thank this elderly bird for explaning that to us. Remember, folks: The bible is peer-reviewed, and internationally accepted by science. The bible is recent, modern, and most certainly not ages old, unlike evolution, which was devised by a bunch of conniving geneticists hundreds of years ago. The bible is 100% true, and it isn't read to kids at bedtime. It just goes to show - you should believe everything politicians say. They would absolutely not be so silly as to reverse truth and fiction, by accident or intention. They would never accuse their enemies of being guilty of their own crimes, either, because people are smart and driven, and they would figure it out. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-08-02 12:06:00 | |
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| adamantine flow | |
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qqq tingle tink
bwuh bwah aHEM it has come to my attention that certain parties resident within my skull have been stepping somewhat out of line. once again, i run this fucking popsicle stand, bea arthur is dead, and richard nixon is currently punching his way out of his coffin. gongs are not for sexual gratification. gongs are for corporal punishment. should any parties within my head recieve sexual gratification from gongs, they will be immediately excommunated from the holy church of sweedish waffles. and painted chartreuse. the illuminati do not run the world. they just wish they did. the illuminati do not exist. they just like to think they do. i am not writing this sentence, but i like to think i am. it is convenient as a poetic device. lampswitchblade litotes. should the grand plan of johann sebastian bach fail due to insufficient supplies of HUGGIES (tm), countless civilians will perish in a mid-level aerobics step class, a tad south of 134 BPM. treadmill futures will skyrocket, and skyrocket futures will crash. i will continue to poke anything that seems to need poking. the following materials are not allowed on campus: lead, tea, nitrogen, helium, lambs. should anyone be caught smoking the detectors, the marshall will fire them. these rules set aside as groundbreaking; wind breakers will no longer break wind along linear ground. tea time will be moved to noon point seven on alternate tuesdays, and richard d. james is a-ok 100% FINE 'N' DANDY with this, so don't go crying to mom. should potato crops fail to grow fast enough, they will be instructed to 'work it' and be subjected to michael bolton and healing crystal salesmen until they capitulate, as capitulation is defined in the oxford english blog. illegal things are hereby declared to be legal, and legal things retain their status of illegality. should wigs storm the premesis, everyone sit tight, we've got this shanty so wired up, it'd take a cadre of christmas elves to crack the donkey. these rules are for our (my (your)) protection, and we hope you can appreciate your ability to desire to attempt to live in harmony, so help you god, martha stewart, and benny hill. amen |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-08-01 22:21:00 | |
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| US Congress thanks you for your patronage, patriot | |
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| Posted by Andy Wathole @ 2006-08-01 17:45:00 | |
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