We are the only store wich gives this great deal you!

Riced Out Yugo is still too young to have stirred up the tensions and turmoil that have spiced up so many other business sagas. According to the search warrant, the cages had mats and the house smelled of urine. One boy said he slept in a cage for three years, Sommers said. He also seemed to reject executive power to order the detention of American citizens in wartime simply because of their nationality or religion, similar to the imprisonment of Japanese-Americans during World War II. Obviously he never set out to log many years of lackluster recordings.

• You can't afford it.
• You're too fat.
• You won't understand it.
• You will be subject to snobbery.
• It will be the subject of the next Pixar (R) film
• Potatos will arise in rebellion, though an apparently innocent and profitable crop.
• Your lamborghini will suffer a broken windshield and be filled with cat shit and garbage.

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I was cruising down 17th St. at a comfortable 88 miles per hour when I saw it. My jaw dropped as I brought the stolen Yugo to a screeching halt. I hopped out and stood in the middle of the street, basking in the warm glow of the sign.

I reached into the car and retrieved a small parcel from beneath the seat. Ignoring the protests of other motorists, I left the Yugo where it was and headed inside.

The laundromat was deserted, so I decided to entertain myself by placing pieces of cheese into a dryer. As soon as I fired up the machine, I heard what could only be Ed's voice asking "Can I help you?" I walked over to where Ed was waiting, dropped my parcel on the counter, and said "I need to get this notarized right away."

Ed unwrapped the waffle carefully with a curious look on his face. After holding it up to the light, he glanced at me nervously.

"Mind if I take this into the back room for a minute to look it over?"

"Go ahead, but please be careful. That waffle saved my father's life during the Battle of Berlin."

He disappeared through a door at the rear of the laundromat. I had just grabbed a wedge of cheddar to add to the dryer when I heard Ed speaking quietly.

"He's here... Yes, a waffle. Belgian... Yes, of course. Please hurry."

He hung up the phone and emerged from his office.

"I'm trying to get our pancake analyzer to work with your waffle, but the syrup chromatograph is having some trouble. This might take a little while."

"That's quite all right," I replied. "By the way, I think something's wrong with your dryer." Unable to cope with 25 pounds of melted cheese, the dryer had begun emitting thick black smoke. Ed merely shrugged and disappeared from the room yet again. Just as the dryer burst into flames, several heavily-armed police officers kicked down the door; they promptly arrested me and brought some Camembert in for questioning.

Five years later...

I spent five years in federal prison for operating a commercial airliner under the influence of PCP.

I never got my waffle back.

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