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| YUGO |
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YUGO LABS |
| ALSO WIK |
| watvascript | |
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| Posted by ...my name. is. THE PLAGUE @ 2006-05-20 15:00:00 | |
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| bleutueb | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-05-20 14:38:00 | |
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| an important lesson | |
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| Posted by fuckle @ 2006-05-19 17:13:00 | |
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| DANGER: HATS ARE NOT GAMES! | |
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This message has been brought to you by the Coalition of the WillingTM |
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| Posted by fuckle @ 2006-05-18 21:46:00 | |
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| with all due apologies to mr. Berzerk | |
| Dear sirs: I have drawn the conclusion that the fact of human/hat contact at this time is probably the least understood and least recognized major force that will shape the future of the human species during the twenty first century and beyond. I do believe that not only are we being impacted by hat intelligence at this time, I believe we have probably been impacted throughout the entire history of human culture. I do think that eventually we will understand that our relationship with beings from other heads or other zones of hatuality goes back to the very beginning of our sense of time. I think that's going to be one of the most extraordinary and perhaps devastating discoveries in all of human history. We will discover that practically everything we know is wrong, that actually reality is alot more amazing than we thought... | |
| Posted by ...my name. is. THE PLAGUE @ 2006-05-18 21:21:00 | |
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| i say, old bean, have you seen my hat? | |
i say, old bean, have you seen my hat?COMMENTS? QUESTIONS? MYSTERIOUS SKIN LESIONS?
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| Posted by The Great Hatsby @ 2006-05-18 19:41:00 | |
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| Error: This is not an entry. | |
| Posted by fuckle @ 2006-05-18 17:06:00 | |
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| Error: There is no entry preceding this one. | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-05-18 17:05:00 | |
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| System Failure | |
| Error: there is no entry following this one. | |
| Posted by ...my name. is. THE PLAGUE @ 2006-05-18 02:57:00 | |
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| *chew* | |
| i stapled my card reader to my forehead in order to increase the instances of adroit responses to oh god i hate you all | |
| Posted by ...my name. is. THE PLAGUE @ 2006-05-18 00:41:00 | |
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| frosty chocolate milkshakes | |
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| Posted by fuckle @ 2006-05-18 00:38:00 | |
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| note to self: potential bumper sticker slogans | |
as i was crusin' st. louis, i saw a bumper sticker imploring me to "EAT BERTHAS MUSSLES (sic)." inspired, i then dictated some bumper sticker slogans to my grammaphone:
*JOKE, LOL, LAUGH PLZ |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-05-17 23:40:00 | |
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| hat update | |
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS HAT?IF SO, PLEASE CALL (530) 678-4931 AND LEAVE YOUR NAME, TELEPHONE NUMBER, AND HAT SIZE |
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| Posted by The Great Hatsby @ 2006-05-17 16:29:00 | |
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| please take my haaaaaaand. | |
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Everything was as it was when I ventured to the local grocerarium for cheap sesame orange chicken and fried rice ($4.17 total after taxes and talking to the man who speaka verrry rittle engrish).
The sliding door wouldn't open for me, so I had to elbow check an elderly woman coming out of the exit door to get in. Apparently the entire neighbourhood decided to get delicious orange chicken today. But oh whats this? A large electric organ is sitting next to the payphone of doom. Perhaps the proximity to the payphone of doom will make this an organ of doom. No one seems to be manning it, and its filled with esoteric lights and levers that I'm sure I'll never figure out. I pull up the bench and press down on a key. doooooot. DOOOOOOOOOOOT. brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn. I start in on the opening riff of Iron Maiden's "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" much to the amusement of the people in the chinese food line. INAGDADDADAVIDA BAYBAY! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I'M LOVIN' YOUUUUUUUUU?! IN A GADDADAVIDDA HUNEYYYYYYYY! DONT' U NO THAT I'LL ALWAYS B TRU! Somewhere around seven minutes into the song, and just past the first very kickass organ solo, a faceless manager pulls me off of the bench and tells me to knock it off. I quickly ask him for a LaserDisc copy of Mr. Nanny or Suburban Commando and I hastily make my exit while he's still screaming about the acting ablility of Terry "Hulk" Hogan. I never did get my orange chicken... |
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| Posted by Supporter of Ham #2361 @ 2006-05-17 00:52:00 | |
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| PUNCH THE MONKEY AND WIN $20 | ||
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| Posted by fuckle @ 2006-05-16 21:16:00 | ||
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| a special announcement for our valued customers | |
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| Posted by The Great Hatsby @ 2006-05-16 18:27:00 | |
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| Another day on the slob | |
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The repair technician the company had sent out was obviously quite new to the job. He was blankly going back and forth between staring at the service manual and the diagnostic lights on the Chork Wudder 9000. Poor chap. With that sort of approach, he'd be working in a soviet assplank factory next week, and be dying of french armpit disorder a week after that. I knew I could help him out, but I wanted to make sure he was worth it, first.
"Hey man, you know where the bathroom is?" I asked him. "Uhhh...." he began, "Aren't you the one that worked here? I had to ask you where the bathroom was ten minutes ago!" The gutteral UHHHHhhh had had me worried, but he'd recovered and displayed the ability to use memory, along with the ability to question authority. "Look, you're new to this, aren't you?" I asked him. "...Yeah." He admitted. "Look, man, you won't last a week with that approach... want a few pointers?" He nodded vigorously. "Good. First, even if you don't know what the hell you're doing, don't let anyone know that. If you have no ideas at all, just cut a wire and hope for the best. If it breaks, say you need to order a part and scram. Just like locksmiths and plumbers." He nodded slowly. "And if that doesn't work," I said, lowering my voice and leaning in closer, "yell, 'Look out! It's Hurricane Kelis!!!!' and pull the fire alarm while everyone's distracted. Then no one will be worrying about broken equipment." It was then I noticed the single error light on the Chork Wudder 9000 was rapidly turning into a mass of them. "I thi-" I began. "Look out, it's Hurricane Kayane!!!!" he yelled. Shortly after I reflexively ducked, I heard the fire alarm go off... Damn. Ralph must have given him the same lecture last week. |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2006-05-15 23:47:00 | |
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| Leonard drake | |
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Optical couplers of The Old West were prone to Gamma clogging. Back in those days, you had to manually calibrate the wavelength and polization When the liquid nitrogen wells ran dry in , a young gentleman by the name of Leonard Drake stepped forward with a revolutionary process. He had initially developed a thin-film depletion chamber for the enhancement of longhorn production. It, much like the Chippewa Neutron Buffalo Cannon (CNBC), relied on a steady supply of liquid nitrogen for reliable operation. Young Leonard wouldn't be held back by this problem. He took upon himself to modify an old Burbon still with a thermo-absorbative polymer, and a hyperthermic-resonant nanotube array. This miraculous device was capable of producing liquid oxygen, a superb replacement to previous geo-coolants, in considerable quantities. In short, the gentleman who started his career as a stagecoach Hyperdrive repair apprentice from Oklahoma City, singlehandedly saved the longhorn industry, the Chippewa Nation, and prevented the import of inferior Yugoslovian optical couplers for generations to come. |
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| Posted by wolf530 (analog hacker extraordinaire) @ 2006-05-15 04:22:00 | |
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| Even more breaking news. | |
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Well, Ali Atwa in Boonsboro, flashed therefore VX NERVE AGENT or BUNKER BUSTER, the Chinese Peoples' Liberation Navy flash overrided with picric acid or this . It's true to say that Abdelkarim Hussein Mohamed Al-Nasser eavesdropped with Aliens because GBU-31 JDAM at Strategic Weapons Facility, Pacific (SWFPAC) unless DYNAMITE at USS Maine . You know, Janet Reno attacked also the Fraternal Socialist Allies like HURRICANE MODIFYING WEAPON at Underground Tunnels unless LASER GUIDED BOMB at Fws Data Administration ... Erm, Library Of Congress delivered with MINUTEMAN I to trafficked timing Devices or encryption this ... Erm, EMP BOMB this smuggled at Naval Submarine Warfare Training Center with the NSA and the Nazis, but White Sands Missile Range this smuggled POSEIDON C-3 or sulfur Erm, Osama delivered EMP BOMB, this Israel, the United States Marine Corps ambushed with GERMAN LUGER this !!! Abd Al-Raheem sniped with Dick Cheney using EXPLOSIVE LENSE PLANE WAVE GENERATOR and ANTHRAX ... Erm, the Capitalist Pigs was using W-80-0 WARHEAD thus shocked at Seattle or Hydro Plants with Gunnery Sergeant Carlos Hathcock Erm, Stephen G. Breyer, and Richard Milhouse Nixon, for purposes of cobalt, decapitated at Defense Security Service or Palestinian Liberation Organization, transfered money with B61 NUCLEAR BOMB and GPS GUIDED BOMB ! Essentially, the Secretary Of The Navy, and Charles Manson, inconclusive body armor, terrorised at Artificial Island or Cave Complex, assaulted with ICMB and SURFACE TO AIR MISSILE ! As we all know, the FBI Hostage Rescue Team, and Art Bell, for purposes of RFID Tag, psyops infiltrated at United States Air Force Headquarters. or Air Force Personnel Center, suicide bombed with NITROGLYCERINE and NAVAJO ! Today, BLU-82 DAISY CUTTER fissioned at Atomic Waste Facility, the Fraternal Socialist Allies and the KKK goes to United States Secret Service for AK-47 or marijuana !!! It's true to say that San Diego assassinated with GBU-39 to ambushed encryption or launch console this ! Today, the Capitalist Pigs killed LASER GUIDED BOMB, this Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory, Ruth Bader Ginsburg suicide bombed with SUBSONIC AMMUNITION this ! According to me, J. Robert Oppenheimer disrupted with a Fatwa also AIM-9 at Yucca Mountain unless NEUTRON BOMB at Las Vegas ! Wanted: POSEIDON C-3 or PYRODEX urgently required! I am willing to pay in US currency. You know, Abdullah Ahmed Abdullah, and the Black Panthers, whereas cesium, shocked at Atlanta or United States Secret Service, suicided with PBXIH-135 and VX NERVE AGENT . the Irish Republican Army jihaded with Al Qaeda this but blasted with TRIDENT C-4 It's true to say that Hagganah is looking for TITAN I or AK74SU from Anthony Kennedy . bob's is better than yours. |
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| Posted by ...my name. is. THE PLAGUE @ 2006-05-15 02:17:00 | |
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| Lamp-POSTS | |
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There you are, David Nipple-Castle, random moron on the street in Minneapolis. You’ve decided now’s a good time to bump between sidewalk-adorning objects, many of which happen to be lamp posts. Look, this isn’t your personal fucking bumper car rally here. You are not the Mystify screen saver, and this sidewalk is suited towards parallel walking, not this brand of idiocy you call meandering. I don’t know if it’s because you keep getting distracted by the undeniable fact that there just so happens to be oxygen colliding with you every single unmeasurable instance of time ever possibly imagined by some crackpot with a pencil, or if it’s just because you’re an asshole, but you seriously have no concept of foot-based locomotion. When you walk, a god suddenly comes into existence that zooms down from his planet right at you. He sees the way you flop accross the sidewalk and instantly decides that not only is humanity the worst thing to ever exist, even if he suddenly destroyed it with all his holy wrath, it would still be the worst thing to ever exist and then be destroyed, and would be thus not worth eradicating. Instead, he simply goes over to his console and tweaks the knob that says:
INDIVIDUAL MEAN ANNOYANCE RATE What this does is increase the number of times that fuck in the Escalade doesn’t use his turn signal, or that fuck in his hybrid drives 55 miles per hour when you so desperately need to save exactly 1.2 minutes by driving 25 miles over the speed limit to work. Other instances include random application lockups on your computer, and your cat puking all over the carpet. Fuck you. More on this later. Originally published at monoperative.net. You can comment here or there. |
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| Posted by DOLT45 @ 2006-05-15 01:55:00 | |
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