Riced Out Yugo
the determinant has you
the karl rover has landed on mars
what is your bitmap vector?

the determinant has you

hacked by captain identy matrix

hey, did you hear they're re-releasing The Matrix in reduced row-echelon form?

hey, i hear if you add up all three matrix movies, you get the identity matrix!

remember:
  • gauss-jordan haxiation
  • eignenhax
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-17 13:40:00
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snakk krackle poppppppp
0.03 cm hair
is


new



for me as of tonight.







I
think
that



if the right person invites themselves to rub my head

one of the kind faeries that live in my ventral stream will come to full view and grant them one wish.
Posted by cakedrink the nefarious @ 2005-07-16 04:38:00
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may i take your order?
one cheeseburger, yes sir, would you like grover norquist with that?
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-16 00:10:00
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you always have snax, in the snacktropolis
asnax twin, selected ambient snax 85-92

1. snaXtal
2. Tha snax
3. Snaxwidth
4. snacktropolis
5. I, snax
6. Green Snax
7. Heliosnax
8. We Are the Snax Cakers
9. Schottkey 7th Snax
10. Ptolesnax
11. Snaxphelym
12. Delphisnax
13. Actisnax
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-15 23:49:00
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Got Male
[root@gibson] # aol
aol$ login ebelford
Password: ********
Welcome!
Updating art
aol$ channels
Description | name
------------------------------|-----
Kids Only Online | kool
News | news
Email | email
Local Nigeria | niger
FBI Confidential Database | FBI
Steve Case's gay porn archive | snax

aol$ channel snax
Updating art
There are 2 new files since your last visit.

aol$ list newfiles
s | filename | size
--|-----------------|-----
! | hello.jpg | 43k
! | largecocke.png | 475k

aol$ download hello.jpg largecocke.png
Queueing download of hello.jpg as id 20721
Queueing download of largecocke.png as id 20722

aol$ channel FBI
Updating art
Welcome to the FBI private database!
aol$ lookup Zero Cool
Zero Cool:
  • Alias Crash Override
  • Is fucking Acid Burn (lucky bastard)
  • Also gay lover of Fantom Freak

You've got mail
aol$ read mail
Segmentation fault. Core dumped

[root@gibson] #
Posted by ...my name. is. THE PLAGUE @ 2005-07-15 21:46:00
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in soviet russia, russia soviets you!
the following were documents anonymously leaked to the press. early speculators are already looking at k_arl r~ove, or as he is known in some circles, komrade humpskopf. we will not comment further, but let the documents speak for themselves. translated from russian by dr. pork u. good of porky translation, ltd.

twas zee year of 1962. komrade killzinoff had just planted zee explosives on zee outmost barrier of zee ham factory.

boom, it vent. boom, right in zee ass wall!

vith that, i blew zee mighty v(w)histle, and zee army stormed zee factory!! it was glorious

ham for all!!1~

(C) 2622 the united states of japan
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-15 18:58:00
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great revelation

CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETO

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-15 10:01:00
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political intrigue!!1
In a revelation that has stunned analysts on both sides of the politcal spectrum, the New Yugo Times has reported that Karl Rove was responsible for the leaking of the plot of the latest installment in J.K. Rowling's epic "Harry Potter" series, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Democrats have pounced on the White House in response, calling for Rove's firing or resignation.

"Shocking," said Sen. John Kerry, "It is simply shocking that Mr. Rove would attempt to score partisan political points at the expense of innocent Harry Potter fans worldwide." Kerry also stated that he thinks the books are "Pretty darn neat."

The Republican National Committee, meanwhile, has issued a "Rowling/Rove Resarch & Talking Points" memo, distributed by RNC Director of Television Propaganda Carolyn Weyforth. The memo contends that Rove did not release the plot information out of revenge, but rather to warn Matthew Cooper from getting "too far out" on a plot summary by R.L. Stein that was "...obviously false. Karl just wanted to make sure an incorrect plot wasn't leaked, because he cares about America."
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-14 13:43:00
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WARNING: CHILDREN ARE NOT TOYS
  • Children are not toys. Despite their relatively harmless appearance, children emit five times more radiation than other people under four feet tall.
  • Do not store children in closed containers, because they emit gas, and doing so can result in premature explosion.
  • Do not inflate your child beyond 150 P.S.I., or Jesus will come back from the dead and kick your ass, just like in that movie.
  • If your child becomes overly agitated, to the point of melting metal, apply 500 c.c.'s of Harry Potter.
  • Do not expose children to Ebola. Doing so voids your warranty.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-14 12:06:00
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Exploding cunt fuckers
I have decided to declare the movie House Of Sand And Fog a tee hee ^ 3 production! Somewhat near the end of the movie a cop forces the husband, wife, and son to stay in their bathroom overnight. During the morning hours you see that the son and mother have shared the bathroom to sleep in using a towel as a pillow. You find that the father has not slept during the night, the son get's up and casually pulls his pants down to sit down for a nice morning shit. Feces level 2 and rising. This moment allows for a tee hee ^ 3 moment. Also Jennifer Connelly is in this and I'd love to fuck her all night.
Posted by cakedrink the nefarious @ 2005-07-14 11:57:00
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you'd better be sorry, mister
George W. Bush: Karl, go to your room!
Karl Rove: wat
George W. Bush: Never mind.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-14 11:49:00
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professor hamburglary
today's yugo challenge is thus:

stare at the below image for three hours.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-13 21:07:00
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song
i'm oscillator one
you're oscillator two
we're out of phase
but i'd like to oscillate with you

support tunEZ?!

(C) 2097 vevolis hax unlimited, ltd.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-13 19:08:00
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wat.biz


Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-12 15:33:00
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a rainstorm of exploding hobos
a rainstorm of exploding hobos
a poem by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker

hobos
exploding!
like a shuddering wave of doom
acid hobo rain patters down on new york's sidewalks
25 cents plz; BOOM!
pancake rain it is not.

even though it would not save us
we must save the world
and all of its snax
the only way
is to apply lard to hobos
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-12 11:42:00
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linguistic request
After years of careful phrase-budilding, I have come up with some smashing new meme-like quips!

Please incorporate the following into your everyday internet vocabulary:

  • tee hee ^ 3
    tee hee to the third power, or: "tee hee exp. three!" Used when, 1. Something is deemed amusing, or 2. One is attempting to be obnoxious.
  • smooth groove, ashley simpson!
    Say this to someone when they do something colossally stupid, such as a hoedown when the wrong pop song plays.
  • bushing a police officer
    See the "crashing into police officers with bicycles" section.
  • well shit, jackson! that won't get us to texas!
    Said when someone has responded to a request or problem with an answer that doesn't really help.
  • tom cruise loopy attack +3!!!1
    Said when someone wishes to retailiate in a playful manner, or just wants to be spasTIC.
  • jesus christ telecommuter
    A derogatory name for Christians that sit at home and watch Fox news. Often used as an insult.
Thank you for your participation! Now, if you'll excuse me, there is some microwave pizza in the freezer that... well, its days are numbered.

Appendix A: crashing into police officers with bicycles
This information is classified.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-11 22:57:00
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Post #451
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Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-11 22:21:00
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hallmark moment, yugo style
welcome to the wonderful, fabulous

RICED OUT YUGO POST 450!!$!@%363474kablooie



support your local hax union!

450 smoke www.ricedoutyugo.com every day
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-11 22:12:00
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Jesus Christ Telecommuter
telecommuter do wat?

telecommuter do hax.

telecommuter do wat?

telecommuter do hax.

all of you, break the boogie down!

wat
hax
wat
hax
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-11 22:06:00
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Grammar drill
Today, children, we are studying the "ham" phenome. Repeat after me:

  • hamateur
  • hambidexterous
  • hambulance
  • hamplifier
  • hambiance
  • hamtrak
  • hamulet
  • hampair
  • hample
  • hambiguous
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2005-07-11 21:34:00
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