Riced Out Yugo
YUGO
YUGO LABS
ALSO WIK
∆.post_toast.∆
it is lik a little bunny bunghold is the best quantyity for the children is the best make up for your gilfriend is the friend for touyr dog is the best it it is the quantity of the best not like th erest but tlike the chest and here's a test: only the powerful survive in clyde's bareback donkey show ride
Posted by Pet'ctlyptem Xon Yihaa'qti WchwaaXaan @ 2012-11-03 00:16:05
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bork glodmonster

 1

____
Posted by shitbowl @ 2012-11-02 06:18:29
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1tense
Personally I thought the idea of idiosyncratic tube alignments were pure hogwash. The CEO was on the line pitching some marketing angle, I didn't want to hear any of it. The oscilloscope was pulsating, it's evanescence only exceeded by the definition of it's return. I knew that the truth had to be withheld, if only a window of opportunity reared it's head from the ugly mist of misfortune. A certain impudent green glow was emanating from the instruments, I knew it was time to return to the research. I decided to take my work back underground, to stop it falling into the wrong hands.
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2012-10-30 19:26:16
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solenoid disorientation
Posted by ...my name. is. THE PLAGUE @ 2012-10-25 23:13:35
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Dr. Davis Invents The Aeroplane
Dr. Davis Invents The Aeroplane-

Pfsr. Davis, the renowned inventor of the water wiggler has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Davis has designed the aeroplane.

Mildly being installed in Davis's home city, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across RiceNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Matthews.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Davis mentioned his research into simulated citys [sic] and painfully predicted results for later this decade.

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Leila Edward, a prominent skateboarder usually at Justin Street.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-10-21 21:15:35
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TIPS FOR LIVING IN SPACE
RICED OUT MARKETING is thrilled to present these helpful tips to make your stay in a Riced Out Industries (tm) YUG-2091 Space Colony Ship more pleasant.

  • Feeling alone? You should! The ship has no captain, crew, or staff. Instead, it has been equipped with a sentient computer tied into twitter. Policies are decided via hashtag popularity. Don't forget to vote!
  • Each domicile is equipped with a personal food synthesis station, which lovingly reassembles molecules you've passed sixteen times before into tasty treats, 24/7!
  • If, for some reason, you wish to escape the cold, loneliness of space via huddling together like a pack of scared field mice, there is a gleaming, anti-microbial cafeteria (also open 24/7).
  • If the space toilet backs up, the only possible reason is that the gravity generator is malfunctioning. At that point, though it'll soon to be the least of your worries, you'd be better off not being near the toilets.
  • On deck #516, Pink Floyd's "Dark Side Of The Moon" plays on loop, forever. Contrary to media reports, this is not a design flaw.
  • In the event of an emergency, please make sure your warranty is still valid before calling tech support. Otherwise, tech support is under no obligation to read you scripted replies.
Posted by RICED OUT MARKETING @ 2012-10-08 23:47:34
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it's root slash garbage slash

i am calling from windows

i'm afraid you have undeletable viruses

click to install our software tool
"Um, I see some kind of error message."

"Sir, you are the Windows customer and you are registered here in Windows Company so that's why we are calling you."

"Oh, okay," I said; I mean, the guy was calling me from Windows. "Can I talk to your manager just to make sure?"

After a few seconds, another voice came on the line. He was the manager, he told me, and he laid out the whole situation.

"Sir, let me tell you, like when you have buy an operating system like Microsoft Windows, we are the one who are able to provide the technical muthafuckin support regarding this muthafuckin operatin' system, okay? Microsoft never provide teh support for teh Window operating system and we are having official [garbled] of Microsoft, and that's why you are receiving this call."

"Yeah, sir, these are un-deletable viruses."
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-10-04 07:54:26
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physics victory
Re-reading Art of War at 5am, my eye stopped on this passage: 

17. In respect of military method, we have,
    firstly, Measurement; secondly, Estimation of quantity;
    thirdly, Calculation; fourthly, Balancing of chances;
    fifthly, Victory.

18. Measurement owes its existence to Earth;
    Estimation of quantity to Measurement; Calculation to
    Estimation of quantity; Balancing of chances to Calculation;
    and Victory to Balancing of chances.

Measurement -> Position
Estimation of quantity -> Velocity
Calculation -> Acceleration
Balancing of chances -> Jerk

Therefore, the derivative of a Jerk is Victory.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-10-02 04:03:08
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MATURE SLUTS GUZZLE TUBERCULAR SPUTUM
Posted by fuckle @ 2012-10-01 23:36:11
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apologies for that last post
a rouge javascript made me post filthy things
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-09-29 00:54:57
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saturated prose
the vastrographic cardiac scrinkles were effluisively meliandollarating the core pestilence of the central demograph unit. is it cruel to use a parkinson's patient as a sex aid? would you be cruel if you judged me for doing so
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-09-29 00:27:56
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Classifieds read downwards
GAS
CHAMBER
FREELANCE
EARN £400
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2012-09-24 08:33:06
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literary dilettante
Tidying things up, I hap'd upon a book on the shelf I didn't own. I had no idea how it wound up on the shelf, really. It was called, simply, "The Indwelling."

"Is this about demonic possession or real estate?" I wondered aloud, pulling it off the shelf.

It promptly revealed itself to be a little of both. It tantalized: "A renowned man is dead, and the world mourns. In heaven, the battle for the ages continues to rage until it spills to earth and hell breaks loose." So, possession, I guess? Below this statement (which I found more confusing than ominous) was a photo of the two authors. The first was a "Dr. Tim," who reminded me of televangelist Kenneth Copeland. This impression was strongly encouraged by the wall of the very expensive house he was leaning against. This took care of the real estate angle that the title had promised me. Dr. Tim was the chap who had created-- er, excuse me, "conceived" the Left Behind series, a constellation of boilerplate apocalyptic christian fiction. Perched on his shoulder was a rotund, elderly literary nerd named Jerry. He was the one who had actually written the book, presumably as Dr. Tim waxed religious, recycling the bible into breathless page-turners.

The spacey, abstract cover had made me hope for a sci-fi angle, but no such luck. A quick flip through revealed "disc" to be the most technical word I could find. Clearly, I was going to need more convincing. I opened the lid and looked at the press blurbs:

"This is the most successful Christian-fiction series ever."

So, I guess I am supposed to like it simply because it is Christian and successful? This is precisely how televangelist Kenneth Copeland operates, and I have no time for televangelists.

"It's not your momma's Christian fiction any more."

My momma didn't read Christian fiction, so I have little basis for comparison here.

"Wildly-popular -- and highly controversial."

It neglected to cite a source or a reason for either of these two claims.

"Combines Tom Clancy-like suspense with touches of romance, high-tech flash and Biblical references."

Well, that's right clear enough. Unless I get significant argument from anyone in the house, this book will be going out with the trash. It smells funny and it makes me sneeze. 2/10
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-09-22 09:44:01
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To all my yugo homies
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2012-09-21 16:04:37
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on ontological farts
Yugo Post #3679, in which the taxonomy of the most prominent ontological farts are declaimed:
  • Brain Farts
    You reach for a word you know is there, but then you are unable to find it.

  • Reality Farts
    Walking up the stairs, you put your foot down to step on the next stair, only to find it does not exist.

  • Mnemonic Farts
    You return to a place you visited as a child or listen to a distantly remembered piece of music, but you are unable to find the source of your memory.

your brain is a wonderful machine, and the best thing you can do is focus it on itself.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-09-19 06:21:17
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Official Policy Statement
Posted by fuckle @ 2012-09-17 20:46:02
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A deterrence against autechre

plz check one (1) 0r moar:

the squirrel honking outside
Wild 95.5 FM
more noize
autechre
Kate Nash or watevfs
silence
(intentionally left blank)
static electricities
Posted by shitbowl @ 2012-09-16 08:17:58
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dr. wat
the U.T.M.* tumbled out of hyperbole. something in the watbrane had stalled the engines, and i worried i'd lose connectivity entirely. i worked the controls frantically, trying to level out the descent and avoid plummeting into the singularity. my companions, a 20-something model and a sentient hotdog, were of little to no help. at least i'd managed to train them to not scream when things went pear-shaped. now, they drank tea like civilized individuals, even though i hadn't yet worked out how to disabuse them of that tense catatonic stare they tended to get.

thank god, the U.T.M.'s pincers latched onto the frayed neuron of some forgotten internet lore: the gonkites, my viewscreen informed me. it vaguely rang a bell; the flavor tasting distinctly of an early 90s usenet meme.

i threw a lever, activating caterpillar mode, and up the chain of references we went.



*Universal Touring Machine
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-09-13 02:36:32
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ˉWהU@
Posted by shitbowl @ 2012-09-11 13:43:01
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hotdog hustle
HE OFFER ME THIRTY SHEKEL TO FIX MY CAR BUT I CAN NO CONVERT RUPEE ON MY CALCULATOR. I OFFER TRADE OF HOT DOG, BUT HE SAYS, "NO SIR, SORRY SIR, CANNOT ACCEPT TRADE" SO I DISPLAY HOT DOG AND HE SAY, "PLEASE LEAVE MY SHOP IMMEDIATELY, AND WANK YOU COME AGAIN." I LEAVE HIS ESTABLISHMENT 2/5 RATING ON INTERNET, AND CONTINUE TO SEEK BUYER FOR MY CONSINMENT OF HOT DOG IN THE LAND OF OPPORTUNITY. GOD BLESS AMERICA
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-09-03 02:45:00
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