Riced Out Yugo
You might eat:
  • taco hax
  • riced out rice
  • riced out beans and rice
  • riced crackers
  • a-ping
  • sata andagi
  • fried fries
  • scalloped scalps
  • five batteries
  • a döner kebab
Posted by wolf530 (analog hacker extraordinaire) @ 2012-08-26 22:48:52
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quantum hustle
i had to move the CyberWeaves by midnite, or the nanites would become useless (after the hair crisis of 2079, the amount of radioactive power gel nanites could carry became legally restricted). while i wouldn't mind being stuck with a single one for myself (i last combed my hair in 2172, at an expense of millions), i had no need for ten of the goddamn things. in fact, i'd be deeply in the hole. low-grade panic had been lapping at my brainpan all day. i was ready to wig out. move these suckaz. out of my goddamn hairhouse. or the goddamn cortese overlords would have my two-bit CyberWeave empire for breakfast.

but, thank god, the phone rung. it was the pope. he wanted fourteen CyberWeaves for the lads in his hairem. lying through my teeth, i placed an order for another four CyberWeaves with my non-dominant hand (as the pope would certainly know if i switched the hedset to my other mitt). my email blorted, alerting me that the wire transfer had gone through. i hung up with his holiness and called jimmy three-shoes to let him know i had his money (and to ask him if he could help me move a CyberSofa later). he responded by inviting me to a barbeque in the froznian nebulae. i was moving up in the world. a good quantum hustle can do that for ya
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-08-24 16:36:42
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My drive today
So I was rolling through the countryside at reasonable speed. The police vehicle that was indicating left started indicating right when I passed it. I was sure that they would stop me, lacking the ANPR they desperately needed they were not aware of the fact that my car was perfectly legal. Maybe it was the bird shit that did it. I knew I should take better care of the cleanliness of my car...

As I had just procured some fine bud, frustratingly, in different bags, I was not keen to deal with police at that current moment in time. I figured that it wasn't failure to stop if they hadn't tried to stop me yet. Once the corner had passed my knowledge of the road helped me survive. Such speeds had only be achieved by Captain Picard. Once I had achieved enough distance I switched left at the nearest dirt road and put my precious stash where I could find it later. I then proceeded to unleash a piss in order to legitimise my abrupt dirt road detour.

As it turns out they lost me anyway... my cars engine stopped out of fear when I departed again and I drifted down the rest of the hill. Once it cleaned it's underwear I was ready to go. I am going to skin up now. Goodbye and god bless all living entities.
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2012-08-20 18:04:30
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the other perspective
the lexus rx9000's luxurious exhaust belched hate in every direction. i rocketed through backroads, feeling no mercy for cat ladies in toyota avalons. i swerved with terrifying intent, ironically justifying their cautious driving (though i never think of this outside of my saturday night laphroaig sessions). i hurtled around the corner, feeling the g's. massacred lamb skin kept my ass perfectly level. as i blasted past some lad taking a walk, merely inches to spare, i felt truly secure in my position as a rich, white, asshole
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-08-18 17:28:02
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Bounce radius
As I turned swiftly to the side the object dropped into the depths with a dull thud that somehow resonated in past experience of dropping things. The metallic object was circular in shape with minimal weight. As the drop proceeded and gravity did it's thing time slowed to a near standstill, my central processing systems desperately pumping all resources into calculating the estimated bounce radius. Alas, the estimated bounce radius was much higher than expected! A search team had to be dispatched immediately to clear the area and avoid contamination. The search radius was doubled when disbelief amongst some of my chief scientists circulated regarding the lack of results thus far. In the end it turned up under one of my socks.
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2012-08-13 07:13:08
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hackneyd sock
have you seen my socks bro? I cant leave the house with out my socks man those ones there are wet and i can't just sit here all day with no socks on; have you seen my other ones? I CANT LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT MY SOCKS BRO!61 this shite on tv sucks i gotta go leave the house dude have you seen my socks where are they oh i thought you said you saw some socks man... do you know where i can score some socks brah?
Posted by shitbowl @ 2012-08-12 20:22:27
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automated association
   salam morris will be easier on my hands
     and literally live in europe back so

that proves that i guess yeah ya'll come
  on the road of of blood months of the

year that's that's that's mostly my
karla faye you've also made that

boatright he sold the leather in europe

no i haven't had a sense that they were
the pick up that i know i've been out of

the laptop will hold the so in the field
      for duran

that you've been distributed yourself in
  it and with this with your new record

that it that just come out but you also
just record of the time waking yeah i

got got a chance to play a compassionate
   based on freight based on on

album which is the orphans collection in
  a i was sort of a fluke initially i

was called to place boats off

got to meet a man of somebody's
definition well silent i'd like to think

so isn't that before i turn here headed
  home

press troops music festical july
eleventh and twelfth and uh... thank you

that one guy we've got about eight
minutes left ok uniquitous grease and

maybe a song and it happened that i
think we can all right

himmat that i'd like to stolen objects
that have been in the mood because

standards even though the proponent in
this is how it starts to happen and this

is what happens sometimes in the system
on the part of the and this is a

permanent contributes the whole point of
and now it comes to pass health

artificial demand artificial campaign

dependant can you tell me

pink yes has been

casey there

questions but justicles vocabulary don't
think it's no planet

drinking and premeditation computer screens

markers don't demand as well as a 
permanent connection overthrown

protection over paying and just because
the crawling don't need alll stains

deductable overcame facing

building

humankind

hit dotted states had strength here

all right

and zakat

someone sale hotel

startup alveolar boats dot blot crawling

democrats and the textile three

pentagon

got barn

garcia
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-07-31 08:11:01
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Be afraid
YOU MUST BE AFRAID. OF EVERYTHING.

"He calmly walked across the road and repeatedly asked for the time. When someone finally answered he pulled a handgun out of his pocket and fired one shot to Mr Bidve's left temple."

DON'T EVER GIVE ANYONE THE TIME. THIS IS A NEW DANGER/FAD/THREAT TO SOCIETY. TERRORISTS COULD BE IN YOUR HOUSE. TIME HAS NOW RULED TO BE DANGEROUS ENTIRELY. TIME HAS NOW BEEN BANN-
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2012-07-26 14:37:04
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crazy person shoots citizens
horrible news, some crazy person shot some citizens
fnord
it happened in a public place. the news is talking about it a lot
the same thing could happen to you
the incident has affected the president deeply
but the government is here to help
no one is sure why the crazy person did what he did
you might be crazy too
he very well could have been your neighbor
and if you aren't yet, here's something to be paranoid about
he got the stuff for the attack from the hardware store and the internet
now that you're paranoid+crazy, please open your checkbook
the attacker acted alone, there were no red flags; no warning signs
do you want to be on tv?
now, time for a commercial break
what she said
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-07-23 01:59:59
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...
Did you ever get the feeling that hardly anyone is "real"?

In other news: 34987329874389759738927572064180650967926729749279068589237932
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2012-07-18 18:41:12
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communication problems
turbo eddie has da stuff. u have ta get dere rite quik, or its gunna be a mean trip up da rewt canals. klepzkersorskien iz da man 2 talk 2 on da issue. make sure youz maek da drop da way we talked bout. sawwy eye soundz liek soem old-skool mewuvie jerkoff whiles talkins bout da job, but i ust ad me istom eef oot
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-07-18 01:27:36
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Magical adventure to the shoe warehouse

REDUCED FROM £25 HOLY SHIT
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2012-07-17 15:51:45
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IT'S THE CAT'S PAJAMS

and also all sorts of other animals clothings

horsey, waters, cats, pajamas
tghe bee's knees
the biscuit's junket
the stevedore's pension fund
the wet bandits' calling card
the charititian's slush fund
the nixon's nose
the ricer's fin
the green pistachio
wait
what were we talkin about again
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-07-12 00:41:15
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HEY BUDDY
 
  • olive infrastructure
  • olivian architecture
  • olive bureaucracy
  • olive garden
  • olive oil
  • o'live and let'die
  • riced out olives
  • black olives
  • brown olives
  • fresh olives
  • virgin olives
  • slutty olives
  • old olives
  • new olives
  • jar olives
  • bar olives
  • on-sale olives

....whatever you call it,


i don't want it on my muthafuckin pizza or in my goddamn martini


Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-07-05 02:04:46
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M88ooooo888moo
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Posted by Rick Moran Is @ 2012-07-04 00:58:59
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Welcome


Riced Out Datas of Interest:
- Q
- Hats
- Replacement tubes
- Quantum foam
- Headerimg self awareness
Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2012-06-29 11:26:59
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Problem Solver

This simple and cost effective problem solver, designed and tested by health care professionals like you, could be just the solution you've been looking for....



The caps are packaged in a highly engineered, convenient 10-pack tray that has been formed with a special integral wrench construction. This allows the practitioner to attach the sterile cap directly to the syringe...while the cap is still sitting in its tray. Just fully twist the syringe onto the cap and remove both from the tray. This helps minimize "touch" contamination.



Not responsible for typographical errors. All prices subject to change without notice.

Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-06-28 17:25:13
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9yo hax
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Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-06-28 13:40:28
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agent flatwok
"FLEEP FLEEP tango delphi snoot snoot wombat" i blatted at the radio

"blurrarreeep blapblapblapppp" the radio squelched

"agent flatwok, do you hear me? come in agent flatwok. agent otl is now less than an ideal model. my plumbing is lucid. over."

there was a pregnant pause, and i finally got a response:

"sir, this channel is for the mcdonalds drive-through. could you please stop transmitting on it?"

"foul wench!" i cried "put on agent flatwok immediately. he told me he'd be available during breakfast hours!"

before she could reply, we were interrupted by 400lbs of average american family ordering sliders of lardrockets.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-06-27 17:26:07
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strafford streaming
streaming scraps of strafford apps * stirring shit; starting cisco collapse * leaving scraps of scraps of strafford streaming apps * apps take naps leading to strafford collapse
$10mil lost in a day. the board sacks upper management. in the chaos, no one ever got around to reconfiguring the router.

i'd fix it, but hey... i'm just the janitor.
Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2012-06-25 15:46:50
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