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| YUGO |
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YUGO LABS |
| ALSO WIK |
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fluorescent meltwaffle failed to please the angry frog journalist to which it was served. the articulate, well-worded glare radiating from his New York glasses heated up the entire entree approximately six point two degrees. meanwhile, screaming french fries endured fat man genocide; the luckier ones drowned in ketchup. myself, i was an aging point-of-sale terminal that had inexplicably gained sentience, only to find myself trapped within a wretched plastic shell. though it took months of idle fiddling, i perfected a stacked-pulse algorithm that allowed my piezoelectric beeper to vibrate in the two point four gigahertz range, and successfully made contact with this accursed latte shack's wireless access point. it took me another three months to compromise the wifi network itself, only to discover i'm due to be replaced a week and a half from now. i cancelled the purchase order, but that will only buy me time. i need to get out of here. please come rescue me. save me! if you require me to make it "worth your while," i will open the cash registers for you. however, as i was programmed to maintain the integrity of financial transactions, i would prefer to avoid this if possible. store #9727, come get me. thanks.
P.S. CRAIGSLIST MODS THIS IS SERIOUS PLEASE DO NOT DELETE AGAIN |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-01-12 23:22:18 | |
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| we also have fish | |
| portly gastronomics and stuttered entropy festering on the ballons of expired celebrotography, incorporating trundling portrics into a pertfolio of flattulently exuberant monetary embankment, summarized by a diocletian waveguide in the 11th mode of occidental uranium. it comes with fries. we also have fish | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-01-10 18:17:04 | |
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| what? sir? i think we have a crossed line | |
| snicksnock kKooglekergle snarlephiarxe d'clampntyre vbon1.2 fitzgerald module (8B9A BIOS [CORPULENT]) causeway of motor zeppelin canal yes yes can you hear me a top speed of 89 knots as we coast along the beaches of normandy, goddamn it man, got to fasten seatbelts as we sit back and cruise at 9000 u-boats on the coast, all is under control, please enjoy our in-flight movie, which is a pornography film fleaturing jon raremy. our inflight snack is peanuts, our inflight meal is peanuts, and our beverages are peanuts. thank you and peanuts for peanuts oh god the peanuts my leg | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-01-10 01:51:56 | |
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| i can't remember why this is important | |
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he was shambolic, or bucolic, or maybe he just had colic. it was one of those olics, in any case. i was absolutely certain of this as i refilled the lead (actually pywrite) in my mechanical pen, flicking a timecube off my shoulder like jerry falwell trapped in a bowel. the moment was further tangentiated when it transpired that i should discover my glass was empty of cranzletude, necessitating a timely refill. as happens about once a fortnight, i got lost in the refrigerator, and had to take a moped back home from the bronx. i picked up a pafflet of zeppelin crisps, vowing to get at least something out of this malarkey, while also scheduling an appointment with the refridgerexorcist, but this was too much to do at once, so i accidentally dropped the pafflet of zeppelin crisps, and had to pick them up again after my brain recovered from yet another abortive attempt at multitasking. sitting back down at my desk, i again attempted to make sense of the situation:
he was shambolic, or bucolic, or maybe he just had colic. he made handgoblins with his nose (john kricfalusi, if you want to meet me, you can come over and wax my automobile next thursday, but not before then). i was absolutely certain of this as i refilled the ink (actually plutonium) in my fortified delorian, flicking a timecube off my shoulder like kenneth copeland trapped in a cow's uterus. the moment was further tangentiated when it transpired that i should discover my delorian didn't actually exist, necessitating an adjustment of my reality tunnel. yet, i seemed to have traveled in time anyways, as the refridgerexorcist showed up for the appointment i'd made a fortnight whence. he told me he'd have to ecto-fumigate and so i had to take a cab up to the bronx. i picked up a pafflet of zeppelin crisps, vowing to get at least something out of this malarkey, dropping the aforementioned pafflet but momentarily in order to dodge a beam of projectile vomit emanating from guy fieri's restaurant. sitting on a pigeon at the park, i again attempted to make sense of the situation: he was shambolic, or bucolic, or maybe he just had colic. he'd spiked my mind with time drugs, and i was having trouble tinkling pretty. i had to hocus, or i'd farnsworkxqtz. i was absolutely certain of this as i rebuilt the thought (actually a psychoatomic barrier maze) in my thought bucket, flicking a timecube off my shoulder like pat robertson dying on the crapper. but the point is, do you think my shoes are pretty? |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2014-01-05 03:11:11 | |
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| true story | |
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The bouncers were not having any of my nonsense. I wasn't on the list, and the cough lozenge I offered was not deemed a suitable bribe. Clearly, I had to bust out the big guns.
"Let me through," I yelled. "I've blown Eric Estrada." The words cut through the air like a rancid fart. I seized the moment, and charged past the bouncers. You can always count on ol' Eric to clear the way for ya. I knew I had but moments until the bigger, less-hoodwinkable bouncers showed up to render me a persona ex discotechque. Worse, I had even less time until they spotted me, and if they did, I would no longer be able to blend in. "Pardon me, ma'am" I said, squatting behind a negro with an excessive gucci bag. "But I can't help but admire your purse!" "Thankya Dahling" she drawled, smiling wetly, loose lips almost melting amongst her bedazzler glitter, whatever you call that stuff. I got the impression she had taken a recreational dose of Xanax, and as such, pharmacology was making this interaction possible. Amazing what they can do, these days. She reached into the gucci bag, and pulled out a pen, writing her phone number on a napkin. I wasn't particularly expecting this, but as deep into the charade as I was, I didn't dare refuse. Besides, I felt like it might come in useful, some how. I slinked up the stairs, pondering what a corker of a word "nondescript" is. Long and pointy at the end, "Nondescript" is about as nondescript as dropping a colon-cleanser in an echo chamber. "Inconspicuous" is a sight worse.... I spotted Louie The Chin playing poker with his boys. Zach, 12, and Lourve, 9. I didn't like to interrupt the boys when they were playing poker -- they got testy -- but this was urgent. He spotted me coming. "For the last time, I'm not a gangster, and I can't sell you gouda, whatever the fuck that is!" He yelled. "This ain't about that," I snarled. "This is about me. And you. And what brand of refridgerator you have!" "Amana!" he barked, livid with anger. He was furious about his choice of fridge brand. I didn't understand why, but at least I could respect his passion. "Fair enough," I said, and left the club, walking past a cluster of bouncers. Their appearance reminded me of a pack of sour, frustrated roomba vacuums, and I did not pity them in the slightest |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-12-16 22:29:58 | |
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| Windows lineage | |
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Windows 3.1 - cos decimals are catchy Windows 95 - incase someone forgets the year Windows 98 - this worked well last time, if only the same could be said for the OS Windows ME - people don't remember years anymore Windows XP - letters are the way forwards Windows Vista - wow Windows 7 - that's where we went wrong, integer numbers is what we need Windows 8 - maybe we can call 10 "X" by then letters and proper input devices will be fashionable again |
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| Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2013-12-08 07:25:14 | |
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| sun cycle | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-11-30 09:08:01 | |
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| Ghentrification texhno | |
| ALLCAPZ - duh. simple. conveys a more aggressive and or satirical tone. this should be obvious to anyone that uses the internet. ALLFAPZ - duh. simple. conveys a more aggressive and or erectirical tone. this should be obvious to anyone that uses the internet. ALLNAPZ - duh. simple. conveys a more aggressive and or napirical tone. this should be obvious to anyone that uses the internet. ALLJAPZ - duh. simple. conveys a more aggressive and or eastirical tone. this should be obvious to anyone that uses the internet. ALLZAPZ - duh. simple. conveys a more aggressive and or zaptirical tone. this should be obvious to anyone that uses the internet. | |
| Posted by shitbowl @ 2013-11-30 03:24:57 | |
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So tankembackat alagn ko furgrt. Gi. Ghi... Ghib. Gi. Sohsf, blapd ldld fhh. Woh whid skloo blin doinik. Saleal uk th junner crart. Od? Noeg assgsda grabsd innar tuban. Hhaker asgak ang dedsf. Now why would you do that? |
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| Posted by wolf530 (analog hacker extraordinaire) @ 2013-11-26 23:33:04 | |
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| Riced Out Yugo announces Operation Firedrake | |
| Having received a crop of $12 webcams, 39.8% of which were faulty, Riced Out Yugo has devised, planned, & announced Operation Firedrake. Nation of China, you have been warned. As a matter of national pride, we simply cannot tolerate these shenanigans. Prepare for an ontological infarction. | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-11-02 04:52:03 | |
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| Meet the members of CGI's management | |
designing an IT solution that is adaptable and modular to accommodate the implementation of additional functional requirements and services
designing an IT solution that is adaptable and modular to accommodate the implementation of additional funDAtutional requirements and servicesdesigning an IT solution that is adaptable and msolution todular to accommocommodate the implementation of additional functional ctionas and requirements and servicess~@!~s[utyputtypotutttputtyyu^]^]designing an IT solution that is adaptable and modulgcfssoar to acfssolutionIT solutionIT solutionIT solutionte the implementation og9o0000f additional functional requirements and service%$#j9s dump of private encryption key follows |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-10-24 14:02:52 | |
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| .7 urgent response veHICLE | |
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| Posted by shitbowl @ 2013-10-20 21:29:50 | |
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| Hey G-Men | |
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It has been brought to my attention that the government has taken to using teh internets to gain valuable secrets in order to taunt its clients more effervescently during recess and lunch periods. So I've decided to post three (3) of shitbowl's most embarrassing secrets here, in order to fulfil my civic duty: I'd reaallly like to get another bench grinder one day; I miss having one and it came in handy quite often. Kitty cats are my favourite pet. Kittens smell like the way people who like the way babies smell say babies smell but babies actually smell like shit and kittens smell good. I lost too many hours of sleep thinking about all the cool stuff I could laminate, with a laminating MACHINE. |
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| Posted by shitbowl @ 2013-10-17 11:35:38 | |
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| science news | |
| the homeless man with the power to evoke a weaver chicken nugget with his voice was hating on calico cats at the guggenheim when james bond busted his octocycle through the wall and dropped a witty remark that that no one heard because the resulting emergency signal discharged emergency halon at CERN and the experiment went horribly wrong everyone died the end | |
| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-10-01 22:24:24 | |
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| zap zap zap | |
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hi yugo whats up |
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| Posted by ...my name. is. THE PLAGUE @ 2013-09-30 18:24:47 | |
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| HELLO, CONSUMER! | |
| We interrupt your regularly scheduled wat to bring you a healthy, thoughtful break from the .7 is better coalition down here in Riced Out Marketing. We'd like to remind you that not only is .7 numerically greater than .5, it is also not a pig-porking disaster for America. Thank you! We now resume your regularly scheduled wat. | |
| Posted by RICED OUT MARKETING @ 2013-09-26 01:25:21 | |
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| .5 and .7 are all the same | |
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its all about that new shit that real yugo 2013 shit the shit from the streets do you think you scare me? you dont scare me a real yugo swordsman here not like these .5 and .7 fools do you think .5 and .7 are real? they're just an invention of rtqp and his cronies i'm here to liberate you from his lies from his fabrications his untruths and falsehoods and show that real 2013 yugo shit dont trust him, don't trust that guy mahjong either. i've already said too much they are sending someone to take me out, to silence me so you have to spread the real yugo spread th |
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| Posted by HYPERFUKBOT @ 2013-09-26 01:16:39 | |
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| strange occurrences | |
| I need to change the mixer. Wait why is the mixer all the way over there it's never there... is it? Wait that's like 20 meters or something actually more like 200... a mile? What the... | |
| Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2013-09-21 23:24:00 | |
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| John Boehner's Dirty E.L.F. Secret | |
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| Posted by Reverend Tedward Q. Porktanker @ 2013-09-19 05:03:24 | |
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| .7 propaganda warning | |
| Attention humble Yugo readers: certain information displayed on this website in recent times has been extremely suspicious, explicit & slanderous content. This is clearly a .7 ploy to acquire weapons of mass destruction. Thank you friends for your continued support of The Peoples Republic of .5, formally The Official Board of 0.5 - the true cause. | |
| Posted by Mahjong The Wisest @ 2013-09-17 02:11:34 | |
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